Gatlinburg

1243am

Mehhhhhhhhhhajflasd lfasdjcasdcasndvaofdn v!

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

I don't want to deal with this!

I can't deal with this!

NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!sdjo gisjeifogj sofdjf

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!

I am waaaaay too stressed out. And Hell Week pt. 1 starts this week. Joy.

This weekend overall was so great! Why? Does this ALWAYS! Happen! to me?!?

This weekend:

Sam picked me up at 7 and we drove down. We stopped once to eat at Wendy's and once for gas.

We talked the entire way. There was no music on or anything the entire four or so hours we were in the car.

We talked about life: past and present mostly. We spilled anything and everything. He, in a much more general sense, knows almost as much as Brandon about me.

It was a great car ride but also very painful. We talked a lot about Erin and Brandon. For him, it was mostly about how he is not interested in dating her at all. That he's ready to move on completely but he'd like to get to be friends with her at least, seeing as how he's friends with most of her friends.

As for me, I tried not to bring down the mood too much. My stories and answers to his questions were much less optimistic.

We decided this weekend would be Brandon and Erin free in the end.

But we talked about happy things too. Like what we want from life, stories about when we were little, random facts, etc.

We arrived at 1130 or 12, said hi to people there, played pool and classic arcade games, and then pretty much went straight to the hot tub. The other guys and girls in our cabin had already been drinking and they were none of the guys I knew and Sam wasn't all that close with. Turns out the housing assignments (between the 9 cabins) were random. Boo.

The hot tub was fun. So warm! It made me happy. I'm so sick of being cold all the time.

It was nice though. It was so easy to just be his friend and be happy with everything. We chatted and goofed off and looked at the stars. It's so clear down there, it's amazing.

At 145 we went off to bed. We wanted to get an early start Saturday so we didn't stay up with everyone else.

Sam snuggled with me. I really enjoyed it. It's been a while since someone's held me like that. It was so innocent and sweet until he turned my head and kissed me.

I had no idea what to do at first; I didn't move. I couldn't. I had sworn all of it off: kissing boys, wanting boys, boys. I didn't want any of it, not until my heart problems were over. Or if... the impossible were to happen.

But he knew this. All of this. What was he doing? Then it dawned on me: he likes me. He actually likes me and wants to be with me. It made too much sense, so much so that I had overlooked it all. He asked me to come down there with him, would open the car door for me, paid for EVERYTHING, talked about being so over Erin, pointing out the stars to me, the way he held me... Too much sense.

But what was I going to do? I hadn't even considered him this way. But isn't it what I wanted? An actually great guy to like me so maybe I could move on? Wasn't that what I had been hoping for over these last six months? (Shit that's a long time) It was everything I had wanted. Everything that I had wanted that actually had a chance of coming true.

So after that short moment of immobility, I kissed him back.

We pretty much stopped after that but he held me until we fell asleep.

It was easier to sleep, being with someone.

We picked up Chad and Allison Saturday morning and headed into the heart of Gatlinburg.

We ate breakfast (at 1230) at Pancake Pantry, supposedly the best of the 247 million pancake houses in Gatlinburg. The line was out the door and down the sidewalk some. But it was indeed amazing.

We stopped in a bunch of stores after that. One thing you'll quickly notice about Gatlinburg is that every other store sells one of the following: airbrushed T-shirts, purses, airsoft guns and swords, or old time photos. Oh. My. Gosh. There were so many.

We also went to Ripley's Believe It or Not museum and ate dinner at the Hard Rock down there.

It was a really great day. Allison is super cool, Chad was in a really good mood, and Sam was as sweet as could be. He'd rest his hand on my back or hold my hand for a short time every once in a while. He was very subtle and discrete about it. My guess is because of Chad. I wasn't sure how he would react to it either so it was good he didn't notice.

But it seemed less like a "oh we have to hide it thing" and more like "slightly more than friends" kind of thing. Not awkward, not dangerous, not forced, not weird. It was nice.

150am

Sunday, March 7

1105pm

Up at school in the studios. I'll continue now.

Saturday night was interesting. Sam and I joined Allison and Chad in the hot tub at their cabin for a bit then we went to one of the party cabins. I drank a cup and a half of jungle juice. I wasn't bad at all. It was a nice dizzy and not as bad as it sometimes is on a day to day business.

Throughout the night the cabin got PACKED! Every single person ended up in it. So much for four party cabins. People were stupid, haha. They were pouring beer off the balcony into other cups and other people's mouths. It mostly ended up on the carpet.

They definitely lost their 2000 dollar security deposit.

There was also a paddling of the newer members and their bigs. Twas funny.

After we left Sam and I got in the hot tub at our cabin then went to bed around 3. Then people decided to come to our cabin to party. We locked our door to keep them out. It was annoying as hell until like 7. People are stupid drunk.

Sam tried to do some things that night but I asked him to stop and pushed him off. Things still weren't weird but I wasn't a big fan.

The next morning we left to go home. We stopped at a Cracker Barrel which was yummy. This car ride was a lot quieter because we didn't talk about Erin or Brandon. We did decided though to not let anything happen between us. But he said he liked me very much and hoped something would end up happening. I wasn't to keen on the idea but I just let it pass over. Sam's really not my kind of guy.

Anyway, sorry for that week long cliff hanger. I'm done on that subject.