I Dreamed a Dream

1234am

Hm, of course this would happen. Especially after last night's post. I'm going to be vague again tonight for a couple reasons. I don't want to jinx anything and it's something I'm afraid to admit to myself. Here we go.

My dream:

...I don't want to type right now. I'm now in a lot of pain. I don't want to talk about it. As if you don't know already.

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Friday 324pm

I'm going to pull myself even further away form what I meant to talk about like three days ago.

I found a ring today. A delicate silver ring, simple, but somehow ornate. The center held a beautiful blue gem enveloped in a silver heart and the band was slightly bent.

When I saw it, I was fairly certain I was going to pass out. Or get sick. It was a very uneasy feeling either way. I was also very confused. Around four months ago when I took it off for the last time, I hid it from myself. And it worked. I never looked for it, but I had forgotten where I had placed it, as intended. The first two months were a total blur. School and Luke and Tanner were the only things keeping me sane. Other than them, I remember very little. But then I see the ring this morning. It was sitting in my ring box with all my other ones, as if it belonged there. It most certainly does not. I was confused though, because I pick rings to wear from the box all the time and I've never noticed it. And there is no way that's where I hid it.

I picked it up and my head was spinning. I couldn't bring myself to put it on, but at the same time, I couldn't put it back down. I walked downstairs just staring at it until I realized I was running late (Ha, what's new?).

It wasn't until I was sitting in Art History this morning that I realized I had it on. Or that it was on my right ring finger. I never wear rings on that finger on either hand. It doesn't feel right for whatever reason. But there it was. And I had no problem with it. I unconsciously fiddled with it all throughout the day after that. I tried moving it to my left hand, but it was literally like two opposing magnets being moved near one another. It wasn't going to happen.

I would rather I hadn't found it. It reminds me all the things I try to suppress. Another time, another life, another dream. It doesn't belong in my life anymore. When I get home...actually, I don't know what I'm going to do with it. On one hand, I never want to see it again, never want to go through this again. On the other hand, I can't imagine giving or throwing it away. I think I might put it in a hinged ring holder and hide it at the bottom of my jewelry box. Takes care of both, right?

So my dream the other night. It's going to sound weird, don't judge me. Although if you were going to you surly would have by now.

In the beginning of the dream (well, I don't actually remember dreaming this, but later in the dream I was remembering it as if it had happened earlier) I was with...oh right, I'm supposed to be vague. I was with a guy. It didn't look like him in the dream, but it was as if he did, if that makes sense. He wasn't even human but it didn't make a difference whatsoever. We were...not dating, but liked each other I guess. We were happy together. I'm not sure why it would be him; I have no feelings like that toward him at all. Er, I haven't in quite a while anyway. Though maybe it was more of a memory kind of thing. Dunno. But I don't remember much of that or even if I actually dreamed it.

Some things happened I now forget, but later, there was a fight breaking out. Or maybe more like a small scale war. It was between three different types of monster? or not humans anyway. But again, this didn't weird me out or anything of the sort. I don't remember what kind of...monsters they were, but I know one bared arrows, one had handheld weapons, and the last group used some kind of magic maybe? They didn't have weapons so maybe it was just hand to hand fighting for them. There were maybe twenty or thirty of each type and they hated each other. I want to say it was because they weren't the same "race" but I don't know for sure.

This is so hazy now, I apologize.

I was on the side of the big guys with handheld weaponry. I wasn't fighting, I was human. Actually, I'm pretty sure I was the only human in the dream. But I was cheering for them I suppose. Then I saw the leader of that group. Well, he wasn't the leader necessarily, but he was the main fighter. He led his group. I'm slightly less surprised of who this was but still was. He, again, didn't look like he actually does just like the first guy, but I recognized him like he'd always looked this way. It made no difference to me.

Instantly I wanted the fighting to stop. I couldn't stand for him to get hurt. This is going to be hard to explain. I knew him, I loved him, but I had lost him and thought I would never see him again. But now I had. Obviously.

Embarrassing as this is, it was much like Twilight. Or New Moon rather. Probably because I read all four books these past two weeks. God, I do hate comparing it to this, but it was like when Edward came back. That feeling of suddenly being whole but almost not being sure it was real. That, and the other guy didn't matter anymore.

He, the second guy, saw me that instant as well. He ran up and embraced me and murmured something about him not believing it could be true. After that he wouldn't let me go, though the dream only lasted maybe fifteen minutes more. No matter what, he was holding my waist or my hand or something; we always had contact.

The fighting somehow was stopped then. I'm not sure why but everyone was then cool with each other haha. But for that fifteen minutes or so, everything was perfect. The feeling was just like that of Bella's and Edward's. They mutually cared about each other more than anything in the world; nothing was going to change that. God, I feel so lame comparing this to that. But you get the point.

He and I talked to other people from the other races and his own and all was great. We stared into each other's eyes a lot too, cliche as that sounds. His eyes were the same as they are in real life. He has very beautiful eyes and have always thought that so I was perfectly okay with this. But yeah, that's how the dream went until my damn alarm clock went off and RUINED EVERYTHING.

Now the dream compared little to real life, but it was just wonderful to care about someone who cared about you just as much. Makes me wonder about him, just a little ;]

And that was my dream. I'll eventually get back to that list I made however many nights ago and finish that up, promise. Now I've got to get back to drawing. Ew.

428pm