Breakdown.

I thought you said you'd be there when I needed you.

717pm

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Adrian went off on me through texts. He cursed and yelled and told me I have no reason to complain because I cheated on Brandon.

I lost it.

I don't want to go down this road again.

Why can't people believe I can be friends with guys?! Why is it that I always have to be cheating?!? Luke and I are JUST FRIENDS!

What the hell, I wasn't even talking to anyone. Why'd he think I was complaining?

But I lost it. I started sobbing again. I thought I was done for the day since Brandon won't talk to me again today.

Well, here's what I email Adrian in response.

Adrian, please, please just stop. You really don't know what is going on between me and Brandon. Brandon had lied to me a lot in our relationship. And when I dated Joseph he lied to me all the time and cheated on me. Brandon knew that and I told him I'm not going down that path again. Like two or three weeks ago he lied to me again. But I didn't break up with him like I promised I would. But I warned him again that I would if it happened again. On Saturday, he lied again. So I walked away from him. He followed me and I asked him again and he lied again. So yeah, I figured if he's going to lie even though he knows it will split us up, he does not care about me.

But I care about him too much and I couldn't deal with not being with him. That night I called him and told him I didn't mean it and I was wrong to want to leave. He's had no reason to be upset with me at all. Then he didn't talk to me until Wednesday after I basically begged him to. He told me he didn't want to be with me.

So don't tell me you know what's going on and don't you tell at me. I have hardly stopped crying since Saturday and I don't need you to hurt me any more than he has.

And Luke? Are you kidding me? He is absolutely nothing more than a friend. And anyway, he's still crazy about Melanie.

The past couple of weeks, Brandon has ignored me and blown me off and all kinds of other things. Katie likes Brandon so she hardly talks to me, let alone hangs out with me. And Aaron always has work. Everyone else is at school. So yeah, right now, Luke is the only friend I have. Just because a guy and a girl are friends does not mean they are doing anything.

I would never, ever cheat on Brandon. I'd never cheat on anyone. I know how it feels to be cheated on and I would never wish that pain upon anyone in the world, no matter how much I hated them.

Adrian, cheating? I don't even think about other boys that way. I don't even see other guys as being cute anymore. Like at Kings Island, Katie and Meliah were pointing out all kinds of guys they thought were hot or whatever. Half the time I didn't even notice them and if one of those two made me look, all I thought or said was eh.

Brandon is all I'm interested in, all I see. You've never been in love. You don't know what it's like. All I think about is him. I dream about him. With every action I do, I think about how he would feel and what he would think. I worry about him all the time. I put his needs before mine. I've lost friends because I dated him, I've canceled plans with people to be with him, and I've moved my life around to make him happy. He is the most important thing in the world to me. He is my everything.

I made him my everything and now I have nothing.

I hate my life right now. I honestly would not care if I died this second. It really would be a blessing to me with how much pain I'm in. So please, either stop being so mean or stop talking to me all together.

Because I can't handle it as it is. I don't need you to remind me of him and make it worse.

And Adrian did not care about what I had to say. At all.

So yeah. Bad morning since Brandon couldn't talk then, and now bad night. I'll be crying if you need me.

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